When Gods Voice is Still, Yet He Speaks.

Do you ever wonder if there is more to the Christian life?

Maybe you know people who seem to have life-altering experiences with God – be it intense feelings, visions, voices or dreams – and you wonder if you’re the one who is missing out in this experiential smorgasbord of God. Looking on, you start to think to yourself ‘I want more than what I am experiencing’.

To be honest, I don’t hear God’s voice all that often. I spend most of my life encouraging those around me, especially young people, to pursue God and follow Jesus, and this can sometimes play on my mind.


I trap myself often with the thought though, that if I prayed with more passion, or sang extra hard or tried with more fervor, then maybe I would experience God in a fuller, deeper way. Maybe, if I did that one thing different, then God would fill my life with experiences of Him.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that I have never heard or felt God, but that the times I ‘feel’ and ‘hear’ him are hardly frequent enough to consider it a relationship in the normal sense.  That said, those experiences are important.

Does God Speak? 

The Bible is full of stories of God speaking to his people. God spoke to Adam and Eve in the Garden as he walked and talked with them. God spoke to Moses from the burning bush. God spoke to David in a cave. In each case, God told people what he wanted for them.

When we look at these experiences, it’s easy to think that’s how its meant to be. God speaks, we respond. God has shown he can speak in these ways, so why isn’t he speaking in these ways now?

I think a better question to ask than “How has God spoken in the past” is “What has God promised the Christian here and now”. Matthias Media helpfully listed a number of promises that God has made to us.

  • We are called from life to death
  • We are justified
  • We are adopted as sons and daughters
  • We are sanctified
  • We will be glorified
  • We can know that our heavenly Father hear our prayers
  • We can hear God through his word

How does God speak today?

If we turn to the first verses of Hebrews, we can shed some light on the subject:

“Long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke to our fathers by the prophets”.

This is what we have said, long ago, at many times and in many ways, God spoke. But the author of Hebrews continues:

“In these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed the heir of all things, through whom also he created the world”.

The author of Hebrews continually compares between how God used to speak and how God is speaking today. Tim Challies says it like this in his article, How Does God Speak To Me Today?

The man who wrote Hebrews is very careful to distinguish .. between how God used to speak and how God speaks today. If you have studied the letter to the Hebrews, you know that it is a long discourse that continually shows how Jesus Christ is superior to anything in the Old Testament.. God used to speak in these ways, but today, even better, he speaks through his Son.

You might ask, well, how does Jesus speak to me today?

When we open up the Bible, and read the words of Jesus in Scripture, we can “hear” God’s heart and His voice – and know what God is truly like. Later in Hebrews, the writer quotes Psalm 95 which says:

“Therefore as the Holy Spirit says: Today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts’. 

He says today, not yesterday or tomorrow but today. The words that were already thousands of years old when this letter was written continue to speak. When we read the Bible, we are not just reading a record of what God has said, but what God is speaking to us in the here and the now. When we read the Bible, God speaks to us.

This is why Paul reminds us to seek the scripture for all our needs:

“All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate and equipped for every good work”. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

When we read the Bible, we are not just reading a record of what God has said, but what God is speaking to us in the here and the now. When we read the Bible, God speaks to us. Jesus speaks.

Well, you might say, does it really make a difference when we expect God to speak to us through the scriptures instead of  waiting to hear a divine voice? I think it does. 

When we know that God speaks personally and powerfully though his Word, it should remove our insecurities that our relationship with Jesus is sub-par, or that we are experiencing a less-than Christian life. Often, we compare ourselves to other Christians and then feel less secure or less Christian based on their experience of God. If we know that God speaks to us through his Word though, we don’t have to be fearful that we might miss Him speaking.

If God Speaks, Then Why Does He Appear Silent?

Even knowing all that, there are days and nights when I open up the Word and it seems lifeless to me and has nothing to say to me. Why all the silence?  I think there is a purpose behind the silence.  Four questions from Desiring God really draw it out:

  • Why is water so much more refreshing when we’re really thirsty?
  • Why am I almost never satisfied with what I have, but always longing for more?
  • Why is the pursuit of earthly achievement often more enjoyable than the achievement itself?
  • Why do deprivation, adversity, scarcity, and suffering often produce the best character qualities in us while prosperity, ease, and abundance often produce the worst?

Absence is like a sponge. It draws out desire from a dry heart and heightens a need to find life-giving water. Absence makes us ask, emptiness makes us seek, silence makes us knock (Luke 11:9). God takes us out to those desert places where our hearts become dry and our senses become numbed so that He can show us where our hearts are inadequately satisfied in Him.

Silence still communicates something to us. It’s almost like God is saying, ‘You can only be satisfied in me, but to do that, I’m going to show you some things about yourself that will hurt, and it will feel like I’m not there, but I promise you that I am’.   

The question that I try to ask myself now, even when God seems silent or distant is a simple one:

What is God trying to say to me, even in silence?

Because even when God’s voice is still, yet he speaks.

Magic Mike, Female Fantasies and the Christian Woman

Over the past two weeks, my news feed has been riddled with image after image of shirtless men posing as strippers in the recent film Magic Mike XXL. As the title suggests, Mike has everything the ladies want and more: dance movies, a perfectly sculpted body and of course, we all know what XXL stands for.

Mike (Channing Tatum) is the ultimate pin-up boy. He has it all. If there was an image of the perfect man’s body, it would be him.


This highlights the trend we are seeing more of in women’s entertainment. Once upon a time, there were only saucy novels like Mills and Boon, but then came 50 Shades of Grey, the original Magic Mike and now we have Magic Mike XXL. Is anyone else noticing a common theme?

Filmmakers and producers have moved away from attracting women with a soppy emotional story between two lovers, but more and more, we are seeing visual feasts of flesh labelled as women’s entertainment. This isn’t to say that chick flicks haven’t targeted women’s fantasies in the past, but that women’s lived out fantasies have become less emotional, and more visual in nature as of late.

Keep your eyes out for the next chick flick that comes onto the screens. Note whether it’s a film about love and deep romance, or whether there are trends towards sexual fantasies coming to life.

To be honest with you, the proliferation of Magic Mike XXL onto my news feed has left me feeling perplexed.

If you were to survey the average woman’s opinions on pornography, you can get mixed responses. Some are all for it, some are unsure, whilst from talking to many of my female friends, you can also get flat-out disgust.

Research is suggesting that pornography has far more negative effects on relationships than we previously thought. There have always been women deeply hurt when their husbands and partners decided to turn to porn rather than their partners, but recent statistics suggest that in 56% of divorces, porn is a significant factor in the divorce. 

Further to that, there are a whole host of negative effects that can result from watching pornography which include but are not limited to:

  • Individuals rate themselves less satisfied with their partners looks, sexual performance and feel less in love with their partner after watching porn,
  • The more exposure one gets to porn, the less likely they are to be aroused by their own partner
  • Multiple studies have found that even watching non-violent porn is correlated with men being more likely to use verbal coercion, drugs and alcohol to push women into sex.

You can take a look at the website Fight The New Drug for even more examples and research into the negative effects that pornography is having on both men and culture. Christians, however, have a further warning that comes from Jesus himself:

“I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt 5:28)

Jesus is pretty hardcore because he is all about the heart. Actions matter, but the heart is more important. Desires are just as important as what you actually do, because in the end, actions result from our thoughts and desires. So, whether you look at a women with lust, or look at Magic Mike with lust, Jesus warning is the same.

Check yourself before you wreck your relationship. You might consider them different, but in the heart, it’s all the same. No-one wakes up one day and decides to have an affair, it gestates and grows in the recesses of our heart and when we look on people with lust, we feed the beast.

Here is my question for my fellow Christian women:

Why is it that so many Christian women see it as excusable to hit the cinemas and see a veritable strip-tease in Magic Mike XXL on a girls night out, when we express disgust and shame at the lived-out pornographic fantasies of many men?

If we reversed that situation and cinemas were screening a film about female strippers, would your man watch with your blessing? Wouldn’t there be a public outcry?  My mind flies back to the disapproval of so many Christian women at the proposed Lingerie Football League last year.

If my husband told me that he was headed out with his friends to watch Magic Melissa: DD, I would be (rightly) outraged. Why is that when groups of women head out to watch Magic Mike, it passes as some harmless fun with the girls? We need to think about our choices and how they affect others.  Just as we expect our husbands and boyfriends to be mindful of us and our feelings, we need to be more considerate and discerning with what we watch.

To be honest with you, when we watch films like Magic Mike, read novels like 50 Shades of Grey and fantasize about pinup boys, we lose any right to become outraged by our husbands porn usage because we are just as guilty as they are.

The deeper issue

The deeper issue at hand may explain why we make these kind of decisions. As Christian women, we struggle to talk about what porn looks like for us. It makes us uncomfortable and it is everywhere.

Have you ever walked into a newsagent and noticed a ripped man shirtless in any one of the leading women magazines? Buying a magazine with a barely clothed lady on the front requires you to be over 18, but not so if that barely-clothed person is a man. Make no mistake, Magic Mike XXL is pornography because it exists purely for our sexual enjoyment and to see our fantasies come to life.

Perhaps we are numb to the effects our porn usage has on those around us. Perhaps we just feel we deserve a night out at the movies with the girls, and don’t see it for what it is. Perhaps it’s peer pressure. Whatever it may be, we need the help of the Holy Spirit to see a change of heart that will see us satisfied primarily in Jesus and nothing else, so that we can love like he loves us.

A girls night out to see Magic Mike won’t end with us feeling satisfied. Porn highlights the inadequacies we have as human beings. The inadequacies we have to satisfy our partners, to be satisfied ourselves, and ultimately, our failure to be satisfied in Jesus.

We will continue to see marriages break down and we will continue to see husbands’ and wives’ love grow cold for each other if we as women cannot talk about our porn usage.

Leaders, Where Art Thou?

How can this keep happening?

My wife and I sit in bed, disheartened after hearing of another church leader who had been forced to resigned due to sin in their life. This time, it was one of my favorite authors and preachers, Tullian Tchividjian, after admitting to an inappropriate relationship.

This news happened hot on the heels of hearing of a friend who had been removed  from his leadership position due to inappropriate conduct. 

man-holding-a-Bible-at-his-side-looking-down-a-long-dirt-road-Travis-Hallmark-760x506 (1)

Thinking about the long list of pastors and church leaders who have been removed or resigned from their positions due to sin will break your heart.

It will break your heart for their families and for their friends, for their churches and their ministries, and for everyone who has followed them and been impacted by their leadership. My heart breaks especially because anyone looking would question whether God was really real in the lives of these leaders

The statistics are horrible reading:

  • 90% of church leaders feel fatigued and worn out on a daily basis.
  • 77% of church leaders feel that they do not have a good marriage
  • 70% of church leaders have no close friends.
  • 40% of church leaders will have an extra-marital affair since becoming ministers
  • Only 26% have regular devotions and feel fed spiritually themselves

The question that won’t leave me though is a simple one: How am I going to be different? 

I look at these leaders and think to myself, they have everything I have and more. They are smart, confident, mature Christians who are experienced in not only leading others, but leading themselves. If this can happen to them, then how am I going to be different? 

I have an image in my mind about what I want my life to look like when I am older. I can see Sarah and myself there, old with gray hair filled with years of adventures, talking about our grand children who have just come to know Jesus.  When I see that image in my mind, I desperately want to be able to say with Paul that “I have run the race, I have fought the fight, I have kept the faith” (2 Timothy 4:17).

So, I decided to pen this piece, a letter to myself more than anyone else to remind me and explore some of the ways that church leaders can finish well in ministry and avoid the consequences and pain that comes with burnout and sin

Remember What First Made You Passionate About Jesus

In Revelation 2, Jesus has a conversation with the church in Ephesus that should be tattooed on the heart of every church leader:

“I know your deeds, your hard work and your perseverance… You have persevered and have endured hardships for my name, and have not grown weary. Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken the love you had at first” Revelation 2:2-4

Jesus congratulates the Ephesians for their hard work at loving and serving people. They tested their teachers, they endured hardship, they persevered .. but, they stopped loving Jesus. Is your heart full of affections for Jesus? 

The Ephesians forgot the love they had at first, and the good works they performed were done on their own strength. They weren’t motivated by what Christ has done in them and for them. What was once a relationship of love had become cold, emotionless orthodoxy.

There are many times when you will feel dry and spiritually lost, but in the isolation of the desert, try and remember what motivated you at first. Somewhere along the lines of failure, every leader will forget the affection and passion they had for Jesus. Love will become something remembered instead of felt, something spoken of in the past tense.

You want to know how to finish well in Christian leadership? 

Find whatever makes you and made you most passionate about Jesus and immerse your life in it. Keep it on repeat, sing it so often that your mind knows the truth even when you can’t feel it.  Then, find whatever kills your passion and your contentment in Christ and run from it. Ruthlessly and violently throw away everything that steals your passion for Jesus.

Do not forget your first love.

Choose to be in Community

Leadership can be a lonely adventure. You have to make unpopular decisions, follow deep-rooted convictions and no-one will ever really understand some of the burdens that leading will have on your life. Yet, for the most part, loneliness will be a choice that you will make as a leader and it will eventually drag you under.

When I choose to isolate myself, I lose touch with reality and cut myself off from relationships that can give me perspective. Even more concerning, I expose myself to all sorts of dangerous that would be more clear if I was surrounded by friends.

Choosing isolation is sort of like removing all of the rumble strips on the sides of a highway. You know the strips that make a large noise when you start to go off the road? You might not need them when you are driving in clear daylight on a short drive, but after a day of driving and the light starts to fade, they might just save your life.

When temptation comes, when you start to become anxious and nervous, when you start to make decisions from an unhealthy place, when you start to overload yourself and continually miss rest, who is going to call you out and be your rumble strip?

Leaders need someone in their life (besides their husband or wife) who can say important and true things to them when they feel discouraged and disappointed, or when the edges start to fray. Who is going to point you back to Jesus when you have lost hope? Who do you have in your life that can say “I am concerned about you”?

Most leaders have large groups of people they interact with every single day, but very few close friends (remember, 70% of pastors say they have no close friends at all).  Even Jesus traveled with a community of twelve and had an inner circle of three friends who knew him well.

God created the church to be a community of people who help each other fight sin and love him. He calls us into life-giving relationships where we speak gospel truth to each other (Ephesians 4), confess our sins (James 5:16) and love each other deeply (1 John 4:21).

Who knows you? I mean, who really knows you? Who not only has permission, but acts upon that permission to ask you deep, penetrating questions about your life?

Growing that handful of friends who know who you are, where you are and what your life looks like is difficult, but it is easier than picking up the pieces after burnout or being removed from your position due to sin.

Confess Sin and Be Accountable

Confessing your sins has become an uncommon practice, but it’s vital for the longevity of any leader.

Carey Nieuwhof says this:

When I confess my sins, I need to not only look for the obvious, but for the cracks. For small sins that could become much bigger. For motives that aren’t pure. For thoughts that run off in dangerous directions.

Leaders who avoid accountability will eventually have to give an account for their actions – either when they get caught, or when they come before God on the day of judgement. There is no escaping the consequences.

Furthermore, confessing your sins to God, in the presence of another person humbles you and reminds you of the saving work of Jesus. It’s hard to say to another person, “I looked at porn or I lied today” and then forget who you really are, a sinner in need of a Savior. Following that humbling though, comes great assurance.

In 1 John 1:9, it tells us that ‘If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” and in James 5:16, “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed”.  

The person I am confessing to can then assure me of God’s great love towards me, the finishing work of Jesus on the cross and God’s forgiveness that I have now.

In the meantime, ask yourself:

  • When was the last time you confessed your sin before God?
  • When was the last time you confessed your sin to a friend?

Leaders are not Unique

One of the best things about the bible is that it is brutally honest, time and time again. Here is something we learn about three of the greatest leaders in the Old Testament:

  • The wisest man, Solomon
  • The strongest man, Samson
  • The man after God’s own heart, David

They were all overcome by the temptations of sexual sin (Judges 14-16, 1 Kings 11:1-8; 2 Samuel 11-12).

No leader is above the temptation to sin in spectacular ways, let alone so-called respectable ways. If you doubt this, or doubt that it could happen to you, you are already halfway on the path to falling. When you convince yourself that the rules don’t apply to you, that you can outrun the statistics and the haunting voices of all the fallen leaders before you, you set yourself up for a fall.

It is perhaps the most common lie that fallen leaders believe.

Proverbs 16:18 “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall”

Lead Yourself Well

If you wanted to wrap all of the above in a nice little bow, it would come under the title of self-leadership. Leaders often forget that before they lead others, they need to lead themselves first. Confessing sin, seeking accountability, building friendships and fanning affections for Jesus are perfect examples of leading yourself well.

Leadership author, Dan Goleman, who wrote the best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence spent time analyzing why some high-potential leaders succeed when other high-potential leaders fail.

His conclusion?

The difference maker between leaders who lead others well and those who lead others poorly comes down to how they lead themselves. He called it emotional self-control. 

Even Jesus, the ultimate leader had a pattern of intense ministry followed by time set aside for reflection, prayer and solitude. This didn’t just happen once, but time and time again. Jesus practiced the art of leading yourself. Jesus invested regularly in walking with God, keeping his calling clear, avoiding burnout and keeping temptation at bay.

The challenge as a leader is clear:

If we want to go where God is calling us, we need to lead ourselves.  Leaders are no good to the people they lead if they spend the majority of their time feeling empty, discouraged and spiritually dry. We need to care for our own walk and our own emotional state if we want to lead others.

There is so much more I could say on this subject, but I think the five headlines above summarize the main principles I want to instill in my own life so that I am able to echo Paul’s words to Timothy below.

For I am already being poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Henceforth, there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, will award to me on that day, and not only to me but also to all who have loved his appearing. (2 Timothy 4:6-8)

How do you safeguard yourself as a leader? 

Take Heart: The Incredible Hope of Jesus For The Discouraged & Disappointed

What are you most discouraged by at the moment?

Disappointment is one of life’s most uncomfortable feelings. It niggles at us, stealing our joy and dulling our passion for life. We have all experienced what disappointment feels like. We’ve felt disappointed in ourselves, others, outcomes, our job and just about anything else we can think of.

No one spends thousands of dollars on a new car so that we can have mechanical problems. No one studies hard so that they have a bad mark on an important test. No one builds a friendship so that they can feel let down. We tend to attach expectation to almost everything in life and this means that there is a distinct possibility that we could end up disappointed.
disappointment discouraged God

My church has gone through the book of Philippians lately, and I had the opportunity to speak on the topic of discouragement. You can have a listen to the talk here, but I wanted to work through some of the thoughts I had in this post. All of them have come from working through Philippians 1 and others thoughts on the topic of discouragement.

What would you say to this statement: I am most discouraged at the moment by __________

A couple of weekends ago, I had a discouraging weekend. I had caught a flight for a close friends engagement party, where I was asked to be best man at his wedding. I don’t often catch interstate flights for parties, but this was a good friend. I left cold and dreary Melbourne with nothing but sunny Queensland ahead of me.

First of, it rained for a lot of the time that I was there. Leaving wet and windy Melbourne behind, Brisbane was meant to be sunny and warm, but instead it had spurts of torrential rain. In the middle of the engagement party, my friend brought me aside and told me that he had decided to replace me as best man. Living in Melbourne, it would make it hard to organize the wedding with him in Brisbane. Finally, my plane coming home was delayed for hours due to bad weather, causing me to miss a test in Melbourne

On the flight home, all I could think was: “It wasn’t meant to be like this”.  I came in wide-eyed, excited and ended up leaving discouraged and disheartened.

The truth is that disappointment happens because we put our trust and expectations in something that cannot bear the weight of our affections. A simple solution would be to lower our expectations, but a stronger response is to put your trust in something better.

What I have found is that when I feel discouraged and disheartened, it is because I have put my trust and hope in something that isn’t Jesus. It’s a story that starts like this:

If I had _____ or ____ was better, my life would be more complete, more whole, more full, more joyful, more enjoyable, more fulfilling, more purposeful’ and it is a lie.

This is the truth:

  • If you put your hope in the church, it will fail you and disappoint you eventually.
  • If you put your hope in your work, it will fail you and disappoint you eventually.
  • If you put your hope in your marriage, it will fail you and disappoint you eventually.
  • If you put your hope in your children, they will fail you and disappoint you eventually.
  • If you put your hope in your pastor, he/she will fail you and disappoint you eventually

The only thing that we can confidently put our hope in that will not disappoint us is Jesus. Why can we have confidence in Jesus?

Because of the story that God has woven throughout history that shows that he is good, and faithful, and sovereign. The story that tells us that he has created our entire reality and declared it good, that he made us in his image so that we could be seen as valuable, and that even when we ruined everything, he sent his Son, Jesus, to die on a cross and be raised again so that we can have eternal life with Him.

If we know this, then we can have complete trust in God regardless of the situation we face. The single best news that I could ever receive, is that God, in the worst situation I have ever faced, the sinfulness of my heart, was not only in control but had a plan from the beginning to turn my heart of stone into a heart of flesh.

For those feeling discouraged, disappointed and disheartened, there is good news. Work out exactly what you are trusting to fulfill you and continually do the hard labor of putting that trust in God instead.  He alone can bear the weights of our affections for he is good, and he is faithful, and he is sovereign.

Chronic Fatigue & Messy Love: How I Choose To Love My Husband

My husband, James has battled Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS) since the age of 14.

At 14, when he was diagnosed with CFS, he was told that he wouldn’t finish high school, get married or achieve many of his dreams. The best option would be to lower his expectations in line with what his body could handle. At the age of 23 though, I had the privilege of marrying him.

Chronic Illness Love Husband

Today, my husband is not completely healed of CFS but can do what he needs to most days. There are still many days that he can’t get out of bed but most of the time, you wouldn’t see any visible differences between him and someone who doesn’t have a chronic illness.

Most people I talk to don’t understand what this illness means for our marriage, especially when I explain that he is tired all of the time. It doesn’t make sense. Aren’t we all tired?

Chronic illness is defined as a disease lasting three months or longer. At this stage, we have that beat by about eleven years.  An estimated 0.2 to 2.6 per cent of people around the world have CFS, which is defined by profound tiredness and fatigue, muscle and joint pain and impaired memory and concentration. My husband often explains it by asking people to imagine “the very worst illness you have had. Now, imagine that is the best that your body will feel all day. That is what living with CFS is often like”.

Why I Hate Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Living with my husband is not easy at times.  When every single day the answer to a question like “how are you going?” is “I’m tired” and that impacts every single interaction you will have, it is hard to show grace.

My inclination is to think about what I deserve, because I am tired too and that doesn’t mean that I can shirk on my responsibilities. However, being tired is not a choice that he makes. It’s the default setting his body has prescribed him.

Having CFS means that my husband sleeps less than I do, needs more rest than I do, finds it harder to concentrate and make decisions, has a lack of energy most of the time and often has to say no to events at the last minute. We have missed out on a lot of parties to stay home and rest on the couch.

My lofty expectations of my husband are often not met and this often leaves me sad, frustrated and upset at what things could have been like if he did not have CFS.

Why I’m Still Glad I Married My Husband

Being acutely aware of the many losses that come with being married to someone with CFS, I am left with the daily opportunity to choose to either accept him as he is, or live wishing things were different.

In our marriage, my self-centered nature rears its head on a regular basis. Instead of being sympathetic, understanding and patient with him, I choose instead to be rude, self-seeking and demanding. I know that most of my anger is really about our situation, but you can’t be angry at a situation so James gets the brunt of my anger. Then I feel guilty, and beat myself up for being angry at him.

If I had to actually sit with these feelings for too long- the sadness, the fear and the longing for how things could have been – I might just cry for hours.  I’d rather feel angry and frustrated than sad.  I know that the James I fell in love with is there most of the time, but sometimes he is not.

However, instead of sitting with these feelings I would rather apply the gospel to my own selfish heart. In marriage, we are called to lay down all of our ‘rights’ and place our partners needs above our own.  I am called to love him in the same way that Christ has loved me, unconditionally. 

Unconditional love doesn’t come from nowhere. It requires grace, patience and humility and to be honest, the kind of grace, patience and humility that James and I need only comes from Jesus. It’s only in Jesus that we find a perfect man giving his life in service for the broken, so that on the last day they could be lifted up with him. In the same vein, I try to follow Jesus and choose to love my husband even when it is difficult.

Being married to James means that I get to see him on his best days and on his worst days. I get to stand beside him in his proud achievements and in his darkest hours. I have the privilege of being there to see them in his soaring and in his plummeting. I get to hear every question, every thought, every disappointment and every fear.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being with my husband. We laugh together, we love each other deeply and we spend time planning adventures and our future together. There is no-one I would rather spend my life with than James, but sometimes, living with him is difficult.

I need constant reminders of God’s grace in my life, so that I can extend that very grace to my husband, even when I feel that my rights aren’t being addressed. Marriage isn’t easy, but that is why it’s the perfect platform for learning how to extend the grace that Jesus has shown us. 

Recently, I wrote a song about these feelings and emotions and how I’m learning to love James in the middle of all of it. It would mean the world to me if you would listen.

Made For More: Following Jesus Is More Than Attending Church, Reading Your Bible & Comfortable Monday Mornings

There has to be more to life than this. 

The pervasive feeling that we are created to be more than what we are has left a mark on my life for a long time. It was the catalyst behind quitting Facebook, starting this blog and continually challenging myself towards higher accomplishments, in the hope that I could become more through various feats of strength, determination and will.

made for more following jesus

The truth is that none of those things really soothed the feeling that there was something that I was missing out on.

C.S. Lewis describes this feeling magically.

“We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

We are all chasing something that we think will satisfy us. The magical destination that once we arrive at will complete all of our aching desire for more out of our finite lives. I know that I am not alone in this, almost everyone I have ever met has this desire for something more.

Have you ever felt that you were made for more?

Enter Jesus

Jesus is the most famous person in history, whether you identity as Christian or otherwise. For many, he ranks up there with great leaders and thinkers in every age. However, in comparison to them, Jesus is famous because of one specific claim.

That is, that he was a man who claimed to be the son of God, who lived at a specific time in human history, who lived a perfect life, died on a roman cross, and then had numerous people, after his apparent death, claim that he rose from the dead, ascended to heaven and continues to live there today. 

After his resurrection, his discouraged, disheartened and scattered followers had a miraculous turn of heart, turning from a fractured, mourning community into a dynamic movement that has literally changed the world. They had one message: Jesus is alive and it changes everything. 

You might ask, what does this have to do with me? How does this change my life? What does it have to do with the feeling I was made for more? 

Jesus not only knew that we were made for more, but in fact, He created us to be that way. We were formed in such a way that we would only be content when following him. He invites us to experience all that more entails. He invites us into an adventure of faith and love that radically transformed, and transforms, anyone who follows him.

The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become – because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be … It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own” – C.S. Lewis

What Does It Mean To Follow Jesus? 

It’s when we start following Jesus that we discover who we really and why we were created. Every single feeling that we were made for something more is true, yet we weren’t made for a life of decadence or selfishness. We were made to follow Jesus and worship God.

This is not something we have to settle for, but the original radical life. It is something that affects us to the core of our being, an entire identity change where we discover who we truly are and what we were created for. That is the Christian life.

Growing up, I thought I had a firm grasp on what it meant to be a Christian. If you believed that God exists, read the bible, prayed a lot, went to church and did the right thing, whatever that meant, you were in.   That was the Christian life my parents had, or at least the one I saw.

I wonder what Jesus would say to the question though?

He would probably say something profound, deeply moving but at the core of it would be an invitation to follow him. Not to live the life that Jesus lived. That has already been done – and we could never be perfect as Jesus was, let alone die on a cross for the sins of the world.

The purpose as Dallas Willard says, is to learn to live your real, present life with all its responsibilities, relationships and roles as Jesus would live if your life was his. To follow Christ is to be a little Christ in the world.

I love this quote from Scot McKnight:

“Acceptance of Jesus and reading the bible, having a personal prayer time and going to church are all good Christian things. Make no mistake about that. But Jesus did not frame things this way, and it is important for us to get back to how Jesus did frame things.

Yes, yes, yes. Jesus wants us to believe in him deeply and make much of him. Yes, Jesus wants us to read the bible and pray. He wants us to go to church and he wants us to evangelize. But, Jesus wanted people to know the bible – what we call the Old Testament – so that they could follow him more closely and know him more deeply and live for him more completely. In other words, he wants people to follow him. 

Jesus often met people with questions. They wanted to know how to have a meaningful life. They wanted to love others deeply and authentically. They wanted to know how to connect with God. They wanted to know about death and eternal life. They wanted to experience God’s forgiveness for their failures and their sin. They wanted to understand how to pray, how to worship and how to understand the words of Scripture.

To such people Jesus offered a simple invitation: “Follow me”.

This is the crucial question for every professing or potential follower of Jesus. Will you follow Jesus? Do you believe that he is worth following? Do we believe that Jesus is so good, so satisfying and so rewarding that we will leave all that we have and all that we own and all that we are on our own, to find out who we were made to be in Him?

If you have the feeling, just as I did, that you were made for far more than you experience then it is simple. Start out on the adventure of following Jesus and find out how you were made for more. 

The Art Of Leading Yourself: Self Care as a Christian Leader

A leader, in my books, is anyone who guides the thoughts, beliefs and actions of another through relationships. You work out where you and your team need to head, you make a plan and empower those around you to achieve the plan. Along the way, you go first and pour yourself out for the team, watching out for them as often as you do the destination.

But who takes care of your own soul?

leading yourself care leader

Leadership is a stressful occupation. Most leaders I talk to are feeling frayed at the edges, with the pressure of leading a ministry or an organization doing a number on their passion and drive. You work hard, long hours. You are always trying to guard your heart from the latest discouragement or disappointment, but some things slip through. You’re so busy caring and thinking about other people that you forget to care about yourself.

If you sat down and asked Christian leaders how:

  • They care for themselves mentally and emotionally?
  • They care for their walk with God?
  • How often they care for themselves?

I would dare say that they themselves would not be happy with what they wrote down. As a group, we aren’t great at taking care of ourselves. What would you say? 

A recent survey of American pastors was pretty discouraging reading:

  • 90% stated that they are fatigued, and worn out on a weekly and daily basis.
  • 77% felt that they did not have a good marriage
  • 75% felt unqualified and unequipped to lead and manage the church or to counsel others
  • 71% stated that they were burnt out, and battle depression beyond fatigue on a weekly and even daily basis.
  • Only 26% said they had regular devotions and felt fed spiritually.

Last night, I sat down with my wife and just said: I am overwhelmed and out of time. I don’t feel like I am doing anything well at the moment, and feel worn down. Now, I’ve bounced back today after getting some decent rest and debriefing with my wife, but the truth is, I need to learn how to lead myself better.

How Can Leaders, Lead Themself?

Leadership author, Dan Goleman, who wrote the best-selling book, Emotional Intelligence spent time analyzing why some high-potential leaders succeed when other high-potential leaders fail.

His conclusion?

The difference maker between leaders who lead others well and those who lead others poorly comes down to how they lead themselves. He called it emotional self-control. 

Even Jesus, the ultimate leader had a pattern of intense ministry followed by time set aside for reflection, prayer and solitude. This didn’t just happen once, but time and time again. Jesus practiced the art of leading yourself. Jesus invested regularly in walking with God, keeping his calling clear, avoiding burnout and keeping temptation at bay.

The challenge as a leader is clear:

If we want to go where God is calling us, we need to lead ourselves.  Leaders are no good to the people they lead if they spend the majority of their time feeling empty, discouraged and spiritually dry. We need to care for our own walk and our own emotional state if we want to lead others.

How Do You Start Leading Yourself?

Carey Nieuwhof, an excellent pastor and writer has created an excellent list of 10 healthy options to start leading yourself better that I have reposted below. This is a great start to leading yourself better:

1. A great daily time with God. Whatever method you use, time with God matters. And your personal walk with God is often a casualty of ministry. Why is that? Shouldn’t be!

2. Exercise. Being out of shape physically means you will never be in top shape mentally or emotionally. I don’t like exercise either, so I invested in a road bike. I bought it used (1/3 of its original price). It doesn’t have to break the bank.  And yes, I love it!

3. Healthy diet. You are what you eat. Dumping the processed foods for whole foods can make a big difference.

4. Proper sleep. If I don’t get 7-8 hours semi-regularly, I feel it. Sadly, sometimes others do too.

5. Intentional white space in your calendar. You can schedule time off and down time in the same way you schedule meetings. Just do it! (I wrote a post on time management that links to many time management tips here)

6. Healthy friendships. Ministry can be draining. When was the last time you hung out with a friend you didn’t need to ‘minister to’? Who makes you laugh until you cry? Go hang out with them. Regular doses of life-giving relationships can make such a difference.

7. Margin. I am at my most kind when I have the most margin, space to breathe. This is true in terms of my calendar, but also true of finances. How can you be generous if you spend all your money on yourself?

8. Hobbies. Writing and blogging are my hobbies these days. You can be much more interesting than that. Take some pictures. Take up hiking. Get crafty. Study the constellations.

9. Family Time. Take a road trip, go out for dinner. Have some fun! Play hockey in the driveway or shoot hoops.

10. Coaching and counseling. For about 10 years I’ve had coaches and counselors who have helped me get through road bumps and life issues. Invaluable. Yes I pay them money, but it’s an investment in my family, my church and my life. I’m different and better for it.

I would add to this, that if you are in the middle of depression or burnout, it is unlikely to be as easy as reading your bible more, or getting some exercise. Seek some professional help, talk to someone and be honest with where you are at. Don’t try and do it alone, even leading yourself well is not a cure for depression.

This is more of a continuous lifestyle that leaders should engage in to protect themselves and to set them up to lead well. Over the next couple of weeks and months, I’m going to commit to taking care of myself and leading myself better.

If you’ve been challenged, or feel tired, exhuasted and spiritually dry then you should take up the challenge with me. Leave a comment, send out a tweet or share it with your friends. 


10 Marks of a Healthy Youth Ministry

What does a successful, healthy youth ministry look like?

I’ve been looking for the answer to this question for the last two years since starting a new youth ministry in the west of Melbourne in 2014. The truth is that both success and health are defined differently by different churches and different leaders. It makes it very difficult to have one marker or metric that points to the health of a youth ministry.

10 Mark of a Healthy Youth Ministry

Through this personal searching and profiling, I came up with a series of 10 marks that I critique my youth ministry against to know whether we are healthy and growing. In some way, I hope that these marks are helpful for you and can start some discussions in your friendship circles and ministry teams.

Mark #1: The Gospel

When it comes down to it, the Gospel of Jesus is all that we have in our tool kit to transform lives. What is the Gospel specifically?

  1. That Jesus Christ died for our sins in accordance with Scripture.
  2. That He was buried
  3. That He was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures
  4. That Jesus is alive!

The message of Christianity is not a philosophy for living. It is a message about Jesus and the events surrounding him that happened in history in front of many eye witnesses, that happened in accordance with the scriptures that prophesied that he would come and be pierced for our transgressions (Isaiah 52:5) and that he would rise again, defeating sin and assuring our salvation. It’s the promise of a renewed relationship with the God of the universe.

Healthy Youth Ministries let this truth saturate every single thing they do, from the way they welcome new comers to the way that they teach and equip mature Christian leaders. They find every way they can to keep the gospel on repeat in their ministry. 

Mark #2: Clear Vision, Mission and Goals

In the first two months of building a new youth ministry in Caroline Springs, we spent a long process of working out how the churches mission and vision could be lived out in the youth ministry, as well as some introductory goals. We spent time talking with God and waiting on him, looking through the bible, looking at our context and looking at our strengths and weaknesses to put together a strong step forward.

Many people felt that we spent too much time strategizing instead of getting our hands dirty with the work of ministry, but the preparation you do on mission, vision and goal-setting is crucial. It allows a space for God to show you what he is calling you into and gives you a razor-sharp focus to carry it out.

Healthy Youth Ministries and their teams can tell you exactly what they are doing, why they are doing it and the goals they are working towards accomplishing to bring that about. If they cannot, they are in very real danger of walking away from what God is calling them to and never even realizing it.

Mark #3: Friendship

Youth Ministry has always been about relationships and friendships. Teenagers who grow up will rarely remember the programs you run, the sermons you preach or the bible studies you lead but they will remember all the times you showed up in their life. They remember the football games, the family dinners, XBOX tournaments, dance recitals, school concerts and before-school coffees. I know that I did.

Healthy Youth Ministries are filled with leaders who open themselves up, walk into the messiness of teenage life and build deep and authentic relationship with young people.

Mark #4: Conversion

Much of the conversation in youth ministry in the last 5 years has centered on the pressing question of teenagers walking away from the church. Recent(ish) statistics in Australia point to almost 50,000 teens walking away from their faith every single year.

There is a very simple reason about why so many walk away: they are not converted. They might be good kids, they might be smart kids, they might be kids that we love and appreciate but they are not converted Christians and that is why they leave.

Healthy Youth Ministries preach, talk and ooze the gospel to their teenagers, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes (Romans 1:16). Where the Gospel is preached faithfully, and God moves powerfully in the lives of teens to bring about full heart transformation, there will be no such thing as a nominal, cultural Christian.

Mark #5: Discipleship

Christian leaders have a very clear purpose in this world:

Make self-denying, cross-carrying, gospel-heralding, grace soaked in, sin-repenting followers of Jesus Christ, also known as disciples. 

In Healthy Youth Ministries, discipleship is not a buzz word but a lifestyle. If we don’t do the work of equipping our teens to pray for their friends, share the gospel with them, disciple a new believer on their own and countless other actions that can make up following Jesus then we have not done the work that Jesus Christ himself left for us in the great commission.

You only have to look at the churches and youth ministries that do this work of discipleship well. They are filled with leaders who grew up in youth ministry, saved in their teens but had mature Christians walk along them and do the hard work of equipping them.

Mark #6: Equipped & Empowered Parents

The Bible is clear that the passing down of faith is a God-given responsibility to families. Jesus said that the greatest commandment was to: Love the lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind (Mark 12:30) but that commandment was originally given in the Old Testament, followed by a direct encouragement for families to share this truth with their children wherever they walked and wherever they went (Deuteronomy 6:5-9)

Statistically, no-one has more an influence on the faith development of a young person than their parents do. This is true regardless of culture, religion, family make up and social class. If this is the case, then we need to equip and empower parents to put into action what they believe.

In Family Ministry Field Guide, Timothy Paul Jones writes that there are two reasons why parents don’t disciple their children:

  • Lack of Time
  • Lack of Training

Healthy Youth Ministries don’t just partner with parents, they equip them to be their first line of disciple makers. 

Mark #7: Intergenerational Community

This line from Kenda Dean inspires me:

Only in the church do young people begin to see themselves through the eyes of people who try to see them as God sees them: beloved, blessed called. 

Healthy Youth Ministries allow this crucial identity and spiritual formation to happen by having one church community, rather than several splintered ones. In an interview on Carey Nieuwhof’s leadership podcast, Kara Powell defines what intergenerational community is beautifully:

What has often happened is that we put children in one part of the church, youth in another section and adults in the main room of the church. As a result, high schoolers graduate from the youth ministry and don’t know the church, they’ve never experienced the church. (from 9:30 in the podcast)

It’s not even about getting kids in the same room as adults, it’s about the relationships that are built. We learnt in our Sticky Faith research that there is a difference between multigenerational ministry and intergenerational ministry. In multigenerational ministry, we have everyone in the same room but what happens is that all the senior adults sit together, all the middle-aged adults sit together and the teens sit together but they never talk to each other. 

It’s a placebo for what we ultimately want which is intergenerational community, where people of all ages know each other, pray for each other, know each others names and are connected (from 13:44)

Intergenerational community fosters and builds up relationships between people of all ages and stages, where the oldest member in your congregation is praying for your youngest one and the business leader invests in finding out how the rowdy teen with messed up hair is going with his trouble at school.

There is a place for being and learning in age-appropriate contexts, but when that becomes the main context for worship and community for youth then the entire church misses out on fellowship.

Mark #8: Leadership

Leadership in any ministry is vital, because leadership ultimately comes down to character. In their excellent book Credibility, James Kouzes and Barry Posner argue that people follow leaders because they see a quality of character and a credibility worth trusting in. It is this quality of character that people respond to. 

If this is the case, leadership in healthy youth ministries is less about what you do and more about who you are. It means that Christian leaders are not called to a place, a role, or a ministry. Instead, they are called to live their lives in such a way that it points people to God, wherever they find themselves.

Healthy Youth Ministries have a strong focus on character in leadership, holding each other accountable for who they are and how they are living their lives. They also build and encourage these character traits in their leaders and those desiring responsibility.

Mark #9: Personal Faith

Healthy Youth Ministries are filled with leaders passionate about Jesus and committed to cultivating a relationship with God. That relationship is the single most important aspect of being a youth pastor or leader.

Jesus himself said:

Abide in me and I will abide in you, as the branch can not produce fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, apart from me you can do nothing” (John 15:4)

Healthy Youth Ministry starts with you and God, waiting on him, praying to him and being led by him. God does not need us, he wants and desires us and that is a huge difference. Outside of his influence and power, there is nothing that we can do in the lives of teenagers or in fact anyone.

Teens need role models to look up to and follow even as they follow Jesus himself. Just as Paul said “follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1), teens need to see what it looks like to pray, what it looks like to read your bible, what it looks like to love the community around you, what it looks like to share the gospel and what it looks like to follow Jesus even when you feel disheartened.

One of the most discouraging things for a teenager is for them to have their eyes and hearts opened by God about what it means to follow Jesus, only to find that no-one is walking ahead of them as a guide. In many occasions, they will either fall in line, or run from the hypocrisy. Neither is healthy.

Mark #10: Longevity

The average youth pastor in America will last three years and it would not be surprising to hear that in Australia the statistics are similar. Growing up, I had 6 different youth pastors or teams that led the youth ministry in my 8 years as a youth and as a youth leader.

One of the best things about the bible is that it is brutally honest, it pulls no punches and leaves no rock for people to hide in. In Jude, we find one of the most honest descriptions of leaders who do not last.

They are like wandering stars, for whom the blackest darkness has already been reserved (Jude 1:13). 

Leaders like this are shooting stars, streaking onto the scene with excitement but just as quickly fading and disappearing for good. They show short-term gains but the long-term health of the ministry becomes compromised quickly.

Healthy Youth Ministries know that strong relationships build over long periods of time and they stay the distance. They don’t talk about being there for a couple of years, but for an entire generation. They encourage their leaders to have friendships with teens as long as they can, leaving legacies instead of train wrecks.

These are my 10 marks of what makes a successful, healthy youth ministry. What would make your list? What have I left out? 

How to Survive The Busy Stretch & Inject Margin Into Your Life

A friend called me earlier this week, with the familiar question that begins most conversations: ‘How have you been?’ The truthful answer was busy, very busy.

In the last three weeks, I have presented at a Christian conference, attended and live blogged at another conference, preached twice, had four intensive classes, went to two weddings, organized a youth event and somehow spent time with my wife in between. For sure, it was a busy stretch but it was still a surprise to hear him say that the first words out of my mouth every time we spoke in the last couple of months was some variation of the word busy.

stressed out lady throwing paper

What I had been missing is margin. 

Margin is the portion of a page that you intentionally leave blank. Without it, books and magazines would be readable but they become messy and hard to digest. Similarly, when we live lives without margin we can make it work, but our lives become messy and unsustainable.

People are doing more than ever before, but the consequence of constantly being busy is burnout. People cram their schedules so full of activities and busyness that their emotional, physical and spiritual health suffers dramatically. 

I love how Richard Swenson, describes margin:

If we were equipped with a flashing light to indicate “100 percent full,” we could better gauge our capacities. But we don’t have such an indicator light, and we don’t know when we have overextended until we feel the pain. As a result, many people commit to a 120 percent life and wonder why the burden feels so heavy. It is rare to see a life prescheduled to only 80 percent, leaving a margin for responding to the unexpected that God sends our way.

I know from personal experience that when my calendar starts to fill up, I struggle to spend intentional time with God. Added onto that, the things you do to stay healthy, such as eating right and exercising go out the window in the quest to get things done.

That said, margin is important.

Mark Batterson writes:

“You need margin to think. You need margin to play. You need margin to laugh. You need margin to dream. You need margin to have impromptu conversations and you need margin to seize unanticipated opportunities.

Having margin helps you make good decisions, makes you more pleasant and less grumpy. Most importantly, margin increase the chance that you will hear the still, small voice of God when he is speaking to you.


I do a couple of things with every team that I lead, and one of them is to run them through an exercise called a perfect week. It’s a simple tool that Michael Hyatt put together several years ago that I have added to with my own stylings to maximize its potential for creating margin. I’ve created a simple PDF for you to download here, print and work off in your own time. There is also an downloadable excel sheet if you want to make it pretty or color-coded like I have done below.

There are four steps in creating your perfect week:

Building Margin Tip #1 – Fill out your current week

The first step in creating margin is to have a sober assessment of your current levels of space. Often, this is a revealing look into how the idol of business and work can slowly, but surely take over your life without you even realizing.

On the first page, fill in your last week, to the best of your ability, using whatever tools you commonly use to capture dates and time schedules. For me, this is either my phone or my diary.

Here is an example of my last week.

My Current WeekBuilding Margin Tip #2 – Define your priorities, plan rest periods and space for God to act. 

Now that I have a sober assessment of how I am doing, it’s time to make a positive step forward and carve out some margin for yourself. I do this asking three questions:

  • What are my top three priorities for this calendar year?
  • When am I going to plan my rest?
  • How am I leaving space for God to work?

When you have your priorities, you can easily see the things that take up too much of your week. If your priority is your health or your study, and you spend all day playing video games then you have an easy culprit to cut out.

Secondly, when you plan your rest, it actually happens. Too many times I have looked back over a week, only realizing too late that I spend either no time resting or too much time resting in things that don’t give me energy. Rest is life-giving pause in your life. Make sure you plan yours.

Finally, work out how you are leaving room for God to act in your life. Whether it’s giving space for him to whisper to you or simply time where he can use you, leave room for God to move. God can move and act regardless of how packed or free our schedule is, but I have found that when we have a packed schedule, God will break something – either us or our schedule – to move in our life.

Building Margin Tip #3 – Make a Perfect Week

The third step is to put all the information you’ve gathered over the last two steps and build some space for yourself. You do this by planning out your perfect week – the week you would have if you could control 100% of what happens. There is one trick though:

Lock in priorities, rest and time with God before you add anything else.

Personally, I find it helpful to color co-ordinate my three priorities, rest periods and time with God so I can keep track of visually how much time I have given to the important things in my life. Otherwise, I find less important tasks and values getting way too much of my time.

Here is an example of what my perfect week looks like at the moment.

My Perfect Week

Now you have instant margin added into your life.

Building Margin Tip #4 – Adjust and Re-align. 

The key to building margin that makes an impact is to keep looking back at it, adjusting and re-aligning according to your goals and schedule. We often don’t have control over our weeks, and so most of the time my week doesn’t look like a perfect week but when I do have control, I know what is important and when it should happen.

At least once a month, I go over my perfect week and current week to make sure they match up and if they aren’t, what I need to cut out to regain some space and sanity in my life.

Hopefully this can help you build some margin into your life. Let me know how you go below in a comment. 


Yesterday, I recapped the first day of the Haemorrhaging Faith conference which has been running in Melbourne this week.

The first day of the conference was spent wrestling with the data of the Haemorrhaging Faith study and whether it was true in an Australian context, whereas the second day was a focused response to finding stepping stones for churches and ministries to start to transfuse life into the Australian church.


How do we move forward in a landscape where teenagers and young adults are leaving the church? Many of us have preached that faith is personal, but it has been picked up to the point that many people have made a distinction between Jesus and his church.  The church has not done a good job presenting our faith as one that is attached to a ‘body’ that impacts everyone.

Furthermore, there was also a very real experience for many young adults of an unexperienced God, unanswered prayers and unfelt presence of the Holy Spirit. What do we do with these experiences and all of this data? 


How do we respond to the research. Out of the 2000+ responses completed, researchers discovered four common barriers to church attendance and the factors that motivate Engagers to attend and grow in their faith.


The faith commitment of parents has an enormous impact on the faith and church participation of their children. If parents attend church but don’t model what they believe, it is far more likely that children will not take part in church when they grow up.

If parents prayed more than just at meals, talked freely about their faith and the bible, served together at church, worshipped openly and could wrestle with tough questions, the children were more likely to live their faith out and attend church in their adult years.  Most Engagers had parents with high levels of spiritual disciplines. 


  • Equip Parents: If we care about our young people, we need to create and take ministry to parents very seriously, encouraging them to model their faith at home. There are two reasons that parents fail to disciple thier children, lack of time and lack of training (Timothy Paul Jones). Churches, don’t let lack of training be an issue. Disciple your parents.  
  • Pray First: Whenever there is a time of stress, anxiety, pain, celebration or joy pray first. Make sure that the first response is to pray, whether that is in response to good news or bad news so that youth can see we believe that God is moving.
  • Email Out: During the week, email parents associated with your ministry all the positive things that are going on, how god is moving in their teenagers and questions to ask them that go beyond ‘how was church‘. Set parents up for the win, and everyone wins.
  • Mentoring: The reality is that many students grow up without Christian parents. Mentoring becomes key, the need to see real faith lived out, outside of programs and church is huge. Involve key secondary adults into teenagers lives.


Dave put forward that this generation recognizes truth from their experiences. If they don’t experience God, then for them, he does not exist. For many, God did not exist because he did not answer their prayers as expected. This was particularly true when the young adult had experienced relatives dying or friends who had committed suicide. Their perception was that God had not come to the rescue. 


  • Write Down Prayers I think this is a great point. Encourage students to write down their prayers so that when they look back, they can clearly see how God is moving and working. God doesn’t just answer prayers positively, he can also answer them negatively. Celebrate when you can see God moving. 
  • Make Sure You Tackle Problems: Dave encouraged every ministry to have at least one night every year, if not more when you tackled the issue of ‘When God Seems Like He Is Not There”.  It’s important that students know that God doesn’t have to be felt to be followed. I’ve tackled this before here if you wanted some starters.
  • Encouragement Circles: In your ministries, have an encouragement circle where you share how you see God moving in your life and in the life of others
  • Ask Better Questions: Rather than asking the typical questions, like how your relationship with God is going, ask deeper questions. How are you being faithful to God? How do you see God moving? How is God being faithful to you? 


For many teenagers, God is not the problem, it’s the community of believers. Young adults have grown up with friendship and intimacy as some of their top values and if the community of faith falls short, it is proof that the church is not for them.

Young adults see hypocrisy and being inauthentic  as a sign of a dead or dying community. They know we are not perfect, but if we make a mistake, we need to admit it and apologize. Many young adults felt like there was no place for them. There were no places for them to get involved and in many churches, it would take a short lifetime to gain the trust to do any significant ministry there.

This is huge, because Dave hasn’t seen anyone keep an alive faith without being connected to an alive community.


  • Create Culture of Acceptance + Vulnerability: Work with influence leaders in the group to grow them in the areas of acceptance, vulnerability and purpose. Deal quickly with abuses of these values. Share life stories of your people that build up these values.
  • Have Young People In Places of Significant: The front of church is a place of power. Ensure you have teens and young adults in the front of the congregation engaged in significant ministry. Young adults need to see that they can be used in ministry and are valued. Get at least one teenager to do something significant in church every week.
  • Build Cross-Generational Relationships: Have prayer partners where older members in the church pray for younger members. Introduce your youth to people who have been faithful for more than ten or twenty years. Get mature disciples to tell their stories.
  • Actually Like Your Church: Dave asked a really good questions,  would you attend your church if you weren’t paid to be there. Young people see hypocrisy, and if you don’t want to be there, why should they? Make your community somewhere that you would actually want to be if you didn’t have a job there.


Many young adults leave the church because they believe that what the church preaches is repressive and behind the times. There are several topics that young adults feel the church is being left behind on.

These include topics such as, but are not limited to:

  • Sex
  • Porn
  • Marriage
  • Homosexuality
  • Gender Roles
  • Post Modernism
  • Ultimate Truth

Unfortunately, the church has recognized that people disagree with them and in many instances, shied away from confronting them head on. Young adults want the church to say what it means, and mean what it says. They also want teaching to have a real-life application, something to actually help you live out your life today. Stories with real life scenarios are a reason to come back to church.


  • Talk About Tough Topics: Own what you believe, say it with grace and conviction and allow for true debate and discussions. Don’t shy away from difficult subjects just because some people will disagree.
  • Applications: Ensure that your messages have specific actions to tack. If, at the end of your talk, someone can still ask “How do I do this?” you have not applied it.
  • Questions are King: Have a number or system by which people can text in their questions to be asked. Sermons are fantastic conversations starters and can lead to deep one on one conversations.


The keynotes ended with City On A Hill Pastor and prolific blogger, Dave Miers encouraging us in a landscape of haemorrhaging faith to keep the gospel on repeat. Here are some of the main points:

The first two missionaries to the islands of Vanuatu, within minutes of getting off the boat had been clubbed, boiled and eaten alive.  In the years that followed, there were many missionaries who went to talk about Jesus. More missionaries died, and yet that collection of islands is now dubbed by the Lonely Planet as the happiest place on earth.

Due to the work of missionaries who gave their life for the nation of Vanuatu, the vast majority of people in Vanuatu are now Christians. The great danger for Vanuatu is no longer whether you will be eaten or not for preaching Jesus, the great danger is that complacent cultural Christianity will move into their landscape like it has so many others.

How does complacent cultural Christianity arise? 

  • Generation one preaches the gospel
  • Generation two assumes the gospel
  • Generation three neglects the gospel
  • Generation four denies the gospel 

In a constantly moving faith landscape, how we do we avoid losing the gospel?


Christianity is not about new things, new ways or new ideas. It’s about rehearsing and going back to the old things again and again. There is not a soul in the world who doesn’t need to hear the message of the gospel. 

In the midst of all this bad news, it would be a tragedy to forget THE good news. In our desire for a silver bullet to fix our churches, fix our youth ministries .. we need to know that in the gospel God has given us everything we need.

What is the gospel? 

  1. That Jesus Christ died for our sins in accordance with Scripture.
  2. That he was buried
  3. That he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures
  4. That Jesus is alive!

The message of Christianity is not a philosophy for living, it is a message about Jesus and the events surrounding him that happened in history in front of many eye witnesses, that happened in accordance with the scriptures that prophesied that he could come and be pierced for our transgressions (Isaiah 52:5) and that he would rise again, defeating sin and assuring our salvation.

Do not fall into complacent cultural Christianity. Keep the gospel on repeat, for the gospel cannot be preached enough, heard enough, grasped well enough. Our primary task as ministers of the word is to keep the gospel on repeat.

We are only one generation away from denying or rejecting the gospel, but we are also only one generation away from changing the entire world. 


Those are my reflections on the second day of the Haemorrhaging Faith conference 2015 in Melbourne.